Ann Lewis
Stud! You belong on a tire in a Wyoming snowstorm!
It’s like pushing a pig through a python.
My mind used to be a steel trap. Now it’s a steel sieve.
You’re a hedgehog. . .
It’s a spiritual goose (boost) in the middle of the week (Book of Mormon class).
They’ve turned a nickel job into a dollar enterprise.
Hit me with it.
I’m in the doom loop.
You bone head.
There’s a skunk in the woodpile.
I’ve been surfing through the files.
It’s like falling off a log.
Lay it on me.
That’s a pain in the bootox.
That’s one of those sleeping dogs we ought to kick.
It’s wonky.
He bootstraped himself right back into the gospel.
Pull a Starsky and Hutch and get out of there!
I’m making a short story long.
Sis Garber is a celestial being. In heaven there is no time.
His German isn’t first cabin.
He can knock it out of the park!
He said wilt thou and she wilted.
You’ve got to tow the line.
We’re the poster children for the road to hell being paved with good intentions.
That’s a left handed compliment.
He’s seized by the fears.
It was like punching a marshmallow.
That dog just won’t hunt here.
Boots on the ground wouldn’t hurt.
A definition of lunacy is doing the same thing again and again, getting the same result.
Flogging a dead horse.
We’re just following the train down the tunnel.
We ought to jawbone with them about it.
Johnny on the spot
In like flint.
Cowabunga! Fungus among us!
You are frozen like an ice cube (on the screen).
This dog ain’t gonna hunt.
I say things like they’re factual and they’re not. I live in my own reality.
It’s a beautiful bluebird sky day.
The cat’s out of the bag.
Come to me when you need an anchor instead of a balloon.
This is taking us on the millrun.
I’ve had my nose to the grindstone so long I should have a trench in my face.
Beeeber-ages (beverages)
I’ll be dipped!
When you’re cool (wearing sun glasses) the sun never sets.
In vending machines: flavored sugar trash.
He’s a rock star.
I’ve gotten too caught up with the alligators.
We’ve left that way in the rear view mirror.
I lie like a rug.
If you click on that (in the computer), you’ll end up in the Hotel California.
We’re getting to an age were we can blame everything on our age. (But I’ve always been this way!)
That drives me daffy noodle nuts.
That’s a recipe for disaster.
We got you covered lover.
DMBA doesn’t know their elbow from their big toe.
I’ll do just about anything for you but I will not clip you gnarly yellow toenails.
That makes me feel like an old Geezer.
We’ll go around the horn to see that.
Hot rod
What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.
See if there are holes in the parachute.
She’s a real pistol.
Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. When you’re as old as I am, whatever doesn’t kill you Hurts.
I’m walking back into the lair of the bear.
Oh my honkin’ gosh. Prayers are answered!! (Lost passports found!)
H E Double hockey sticks.
They’re playing your song, babe (seatbelt beeper going off).
That was his jig.
He’s kicking you guys to a lower orbit (you have to change apartments).
You get the Dick Tracey award for tracking that down.
We all have feet of clay.
I don’t know that from Adam’s house cat.
From heck to breakfast.
Is the juice worth the squeeze?
Wonkey donkey
I’ll be there in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.
Spendy Wendy parking slots (expensive)
Kawabunga!
You can take everything I know about cooking and shove it into a valve cap.
The thermos knows how to keep the cold cold and the hot hot. I don’t know how it does that.
Well, should we hie to Kolob??
You’re scaring the living heck out of me.
My problem with life is it’s due Wednesday and I get it done Thursday.
We’ve almost broken summer’s back. Fall is coming.
He’s a fast forward kind of guy.
As I’ve gotten older, my filter has gotten huge cracks in it.
You’ll have a friend in me for life. At my age, that’s not saying much.
Mind over mattress.
“Potential Scam,” my favorite caller.
He had a lead foot.
All Indians walk in single file, at least the one I saw did.
I’m as happy as a pig in a peach orchard.
We are all fried (exhausted). It’s like an egg, you get kind of rubbery.
Getting hit with that will send them into next Tuesday.
We had to do a little shucking and jiving.
It just blows their doors off,
Buck up little camper.
You’re not all that and a bag of chips.
That would drive him nuts.
We’re going to canter through this pretty quickly.
That wasn’t even good enough to be horrific.
Even a blind squirrel finds an occasional acorn.
What’s shaking?
He’d ridden off the rails.
When asked, “Where’s your better half?” EG responded, “I’m sitting on it.”
Instead of answering YES, he asks: Are bullfrogs waterproof?
He broadcasts the soup out of it.
When it’s done, it’s in the can.
They’re punching way above their weight class.
That’s what would carry the freight.
Talk about the mouse that roars. (Talk about bringing the Church out of obscurity.)
They’re still like free range cow punchers out here.
It’s a honking big file.
Not the pepto poncho (Tab choir pink robes).
I’m Starvin’ Marvin.
I’m stickin’ my nose where I shouldn’t.
I’m stepping out of my lane.
We don’t know about piddly.
I’m coloring way outside my lines.
I’ve been to that hotel 1000 times.
You were volun-told.
I didn’t connect the dots.
We had to leave at o’dark thirty.
He’s a wrung out dishrag.
This sounds like a dirt alert (gossip).
We’ve invited everyone and their rubber duck.
I’m going to waste away to a ton.
Low wattage. Senior moment.
When the cats are away, the mice should play.
They march to the beat of their own tuba.
Cheryl and I both failed miserably to marry rich.
Hang a left.
Who’d a thunk.
We just fell off the turnip truck.
If you smoke it’ll kill you till you die from it.
It’s a real chink in my armor.
We ate out of a bucket with a shovel.
Look who the wind blew in.
Don’t trust me with power equipment or technology.
I’m taking my murse with me (man purse).
Gone from zero to hero overnight.
I’m behind the power curve this morning.
We’re stretch, stretch, swivel, swivel, blink, blink at about 10:00 p.m. (Go to bed)
There’s a special circle in hell for Elder Garber who procrastinates.
She’s in that neck of the woods.
I need to spiff it up.
We’re blowing 400 Euro out the tail pipe.
The road to heck is paved with good intentions.
Are you home? Physically, yes. Mentally somewhere between heck and breakfast.
I don’t give a fig about that.
The OGC has a shredder that would emulsify a brick.
I just sold you down the river, dear.
Our object is to make you sorry you said that.
All hands on deck.
Abdul, the butcher = the barber.
I’m probably plowing a field that’s been plowed before.
You asked for a nickel’s worth of information and I’ve given you a dollar’s worth of rhetoric.
There aren’t enough bread crumbs in a box to lead you to where you need to go.
This may not be their first rodeo.
I hadn’t used that in a coon’s age.
The barber always needs a haircut.
Kick me to the curb!
Those guys are swimming with 50 sharks every day.
Put a nickel in me and there’s no end to what may come out.
About flying: You hop in the aluminum tube, spend some time, then hop out in a different country.
It’s just your basic Bah Humbug.
So, girlfriend, we’ve got to boogie.
We’ll be as popular as a burp in church.
They’d walk through busted glass for that guy.
Don’t just back the truck up and dump the whole load on them.
That saves us an early morning or late night scramble to the office, and an absolute full-blown linear panic should some technical detail go wrong.
I thought for a minute I had slipped a cog. Those thoughts come more frequently lately.
Crunch all you want–we’ll make more. (From an add for potato chips.)
We’re getting down to the short strokes.
He has no bandwidth.
It’s a meat locker in here (cold).
I’m sweeter than I am smart.
Cheryl: I’m telling our weaknesses.
Gregg: You don’t have enough time.
They would’ve lasted a nano second.
They’re killing the goose that laid the golden egg.
If you put a nickel in me, you can’t get me to stop.
You get all Hell and no direction.
You go in a circle until you eat your own leg.
Where are the holes in the parachute?
Look at the rose on your nose.
It’s a pain in the patoosh.
They’ve got muscle.
It came within a cat’s whisker.
Winna winna, chicken dinna.
It’s just redunculous.
A broken arm is better than a broken neck.
That was a slide around the back door approach.
If we hit something (squeezed into the back seat) we’ll explode like a can of sardines.
Sharp as a marble
Rootin’ tootin’
He could’ve driven a bus through that hole (football play).
I was hoping it was me. (After knocking and entering.)
I make a better door than a window.
About a million things just blew up my inbox.
That’ll be duck soup.
His team always punches way above their weight class.
There’s more than one way to skin a cat.
This is screw loose and wonky.
This is as worthless as a steering wheel on a coffee table.
I make up half the stuff I tell people.
You read me like a book.
That was duck soup.
People have starved to death wandering around on the first floor, lost.
You just wander around until someone finds you or decides to shoot you.
He’s gone from hero to zero in such a short time.
We’re so old we don’t have dandruff, we have dust.
When I get to that point, just push me over the falls.
She thinks she’s Joshua–she can make time stand still.
He’s a little long in the mouth.
It’s blowing sunshine under her skirt.
You got your hair cut! Gregg: “Which one?”
When you’re up to your ears in alligators, it’s hard to remember you came to drain the swamp!
We always worry that’s there’s no gas stations in the extra mile, but there’s no traffic jams either.
That’s just like [potato] chips in the washing machine.
Sometimes you just have to do what you can and try not to can what you do.
You’d be as welcome as a burp in church.
Every gun is loaded and every knife is sharp.
Don’t wait to become a great man. Be a great boy.
The second mouse always gets the cheese.
You can no more teach what you haven’t learned than you can go back to where you’ve never been.
Ain’t mama happy, ain’t no one happy.
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
Don’t eat anything that bites back or is still moving.
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?
That turned into an absolute dumpster fire!
After someone asks a dumb question: “I don’t know, Is it farther to Chicago or by bus?”
“Nice socks.” (Best compliment when someone doesn’t do well athletically.) Or if they’re not playing well, “Hit the ball, Alice.”
When kids are listening to rap: “Do you like that better than music?”
Waza waza bo bo tanga!
He’s tighter than the skin on a bean. When his eyes blink, his toes curl.
I’m checking out of this pop stand.
It’s messier out there than a cow pissing on a flat rock.
If that’s your first mistake today, you’re a rock star.
May the bird of paradise fly up your nose.
That (football) tackle rang his bell.
That gal is wound tighter than a cheap watch.
She was gobsmacked!
He could do it with his head in a sack.
It’s no skin off my nose.
I guaran-dang-tee you.
That old program is so bad it sucks like a Hoover [vacuum].
How are you? Stranger than I was the last time you asked.
Her day in the sun was short.
We will be the brightest balls on the tree.
That’s like having a square of toilet paper hanging off your pant cuff.
That’s the spiritual palate cleanser we needed.
Oh my pickin’ snarky gosh.
The classic efficiency has gone the way of the Dodo.
This dog ain’t gonna hunt.
That’s going to be a tough puck.
We have a broken system and a bunch of do nothings.
The luggage came out the poop hole in dribs and drabs.
I’m dense as a fence.
I think we are in the froz-zone.
Stuff around here makes the OK corral look like a square dance.
You’ve got to get on your pony pretty early to get there in time.
When you’re swimming with the crocodiles, it’s sometimes hard to drain the swamp.
It’s a tempest in a teapot.
Little things like little minds.
Fiddlehead Fern.
It’s an overhaul day (Cheryl’s doing some major body grooming.)
I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Who’s responsible so we can make a VooDoo doll to stick some pins in?
Park your carcass.
She is one plucky little duck.
He’s a led foot Lousy.
I was all giggly and wiggly.
Rosanna Danna
That’s an ant crawling up an elephant’s leg with assault and battery on its mind.
We were in such a hurry we shaved 5 layers of skin off!
The last time I reached into her purse, I lost about 2 fingers!
We’ll canter through it pretty quickly.
Canter through with your nostrils flaring and your hair flying!
Fleet of foot and sure of traction = someone who gets things done.
He’s a kiwi. Prickly on the outside and soft in the middle.
Speeding tickets are given only Monday through Sunday.
I made several tweekoids to the document.
No fancy dancing or spinning any yarns.
They are on the fly.
Pay them no heed.
I’ve been talking like a machine gun.
I’ve agonized and wept over this dozens of times.
They can give you the straight scoop.
We can kick the anthill from here!
As-a-tively pos-i-lutely
It was like stirring’ pudding’ = changing gears in his stick shift VW.
Sit and cool your jets.
My confuser = my computer
On buying a pretzel hanging on a pretzel stand at the end of the day: it was like trying to eat your belt!
Food poisoning: I was in the growler heaving Jonah.
It leapt up and bit me in the shorts.
We are right on ding dang track.
They’re going to be three sheets to the wind.
Ready. Fire. Aim
That warms the cockles of my heart.
We have felt like a lion in a den full of Daniels.
It blew my doors off!
He fell into the shoot with the loot.
Riding down in a crowded elevator: The more there are in it, the faster it goes.
It’s like watching your grouchy mother-in-law go over the cliff in your new red convertible.
That’s a death wish manifest in itself.
We’re an acquired taste.
Peace out!
