My Heart is Frozen

On Thursday evening, 17 January, my computer froze in the middle of a project I was working on. Just like that, everything locked up. I tried to turn the computer off. It wouldn’t turn off. It was frozen. I felt my heart sink and I felt helpless–I had no idea what to do.

John often shakes his head at the computer predicaments I get myself into. “I don’t know how you do it . . . ,” he’ll usually say. Then he’ll patiently help me sort out my situations until I’m up and running again. This time even he couldn’t fix the problem.

I spent all day Friday without my computer. John’s techies at work had at it. “I don’t Dare go home without this computer,” he told them. He was right. When bad things happen to my computer, it also freezes my heart. My computer is like my heart. It’s the center of my days, my work, my connections to others. My computer holds my words, my dead people, my living people, my dearest friends, my photos, my memories. It is my heart.

My computer came home Friday evening with John. They’d emptied it, wiped it clean, installed a new “operating system” and then poured everything back into it. I feel like I’ve had a heart transplant. I’m beating again, but not in exactly the same way. I’ve got to break things in again, feel the new flow of things. There are a few very important connections that are not yet reconnected. Like my mailing lists and email contacts.

I’ve now spent 2 days without computer connection to my friends and students. I feel very isolated and separate. I have a greater sense of my dependence on technology to stay connected to those I love and enjoy. I am so grateful for all the invisible things that happen behind my computer screens that keep me connected. I pray for those little parts and pieces all the time. I appreciate them. I hope they will be healed soon so I can carry on. I have work to do.

About annlaemmlenlewis

Welcome to my personal blog, Ann's Words. It's nice of you to visit! To find family history stories and histories, please visit my other blog, Ann's Stories. To learn about my missionary service, please visit Our Washington Yakima Mission 2015-2018.
This entry was posted in Lewis Family. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s