Twenty years ago I was 35 years old and 9 months pregnant with Claire. Adam was 2 years old. I had waited a long long time before finally having a child, and I loved him, from the top of his towhead to the ends of his tiny little toes.
I remember a feeling of panic that came over me one day, as I contemplated giving birth to a second child. I could not imagine dividing my love to share it with another. Adam was perfect in every way and I loved him with All my heart. How could I love another? I felt panic and a frightening quilt, knowing I was not equipped to share that love with another, feeling grateful that a new babe would be too young to feel the deficit of my love.
And then she was born. A perfect little girl. The minute I saw Claire’s face, something changed in me and I knew all was well. I discovered something miraculous: my love increased, it was not divided.
After 20 years, I understand that miracle much more clearly today. Love is not a commodity, something you might keep track of or divide or use up. It is something that flows through us. We are conduits of that love, and the more we let it flow, the more it fills us and fills others.
I am grateful for a Mother’s heart that taught me that love is a gift we receive and pass on. We do not own it. It does not own us. It flows through us and it never runs out.
With each birth, my heart space increased. Being a mother helps me begin to understand the love God must feel for each of us. His love is Infinite and Eternal, and Individual. Oh, how I am grateful for that love!