I have my moments . . . again

Here’s a post I wrote in January 2015 as we were preparing to leave for 3 year to go to Yakima.  I woke this morning, remembering these words, feeling every single one of them again.  I’ve been feeling nostalgic all day, wondering how I’ll leave this place I love.

I have my moments . . .

2015-1-10 Back yard (1) There are some minutes and even some hours in some days where I just sit and stare out the window, thinking about my life and my family and my friends, and I feel a huge sadness that I’ll be leaving this place for awhile.  I won’t see what’s out my window, or see my children very often, or see my friends for 3 years.  It’s a feeling that pulls my heart down into a sad achy place.  I wonder how I will do it.  I wonder about all the things that will happen while I am gone.  I wonder what excitement in the lives of my friends will be missed.  I wonder if some of my dear older friends may go and be gone when I come home.

I will miss out on conversations with friends, or weekends with children home from school.  I will leave behind piles of books in every room I intended to get to this next year.  Quilt projects that have been on hold will stay on hold.  My front door will be locked and no one will come visiting.

Who will pull the weeds?  Who will welcome children to the playground?  Who will hang Christmas lights or take them down?  Who will plant pumpkins for Halloween, or harvest the grapes in the Fall?  Who will love the things around me that I love, every day I’m here?

It’s an interesting thing to consider going away for awhile.  Life will carry on here, day by day, as it has before, as it does now.  I just won’t be here to feel it in this place.

I wonder what I’ll be thinking after 3 years in Washington.  I’ll bet my feelings will be similar, on a quiet day like today, as we take down the Christmas tree.  I will be thinking about who I’ll be leaving behind in that place, wondering how I will ever live without being near them.


2015-1-10 Back yard (2)

About Ann Laemmlen Lewis

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